It's tragic , but true , that the first baby often sinks a marriage . You would think that it would be the other way around , that a baby would draw a husband and wife closer together . However , there are very good reasons why children in general , and babies in particular , tend to make marriages worse , not better particularly as is so challenging to cope with the dramatic change of lifestyle . What is really going to change ? in one word : everything ! The changes begin as soon as you either decide you are ready to have children or find out that you are pregnant . Your communication skills will be put to the test in this stage and will prove essential in your adjustment and continued feelings of closeness and satisfaction . Not only will you have brand - new things to discuss , but you will also have more conflicts to resolve . Working together to openly discuss 41 changing needs , emotional reactions , and newly identified expectations will help reduce the conflicts ' that will likely arise if these things are not discussed . Once the baby arrives , you may ask , " Whatever happened to sleeping in , spontaneity , late - night movies , and holding hands ? " The baby happened . No matter how much you each wanted this new little bundle of joy , you need to prepared for waters ahead . The changes that occur at the birth of your first child are immeasurable , and 2t some point you will realise that life will never he the same again . This stage includes an emotional roller coaster such as you could never have imagined . You go from the joy of seeing your new creation for the first time to the fear of being inadequate as a parent from the pride of - watching your child develop and learn each new skill to the loneliness of feeling disconnected from your spouse . There can be post natal depression and roller coaster goes on and on . Tin's new stage of your relationship requires that you change certain , expectations of how much energy you wRS have at the end of the day for conversation or housework . How you define closeness and intimacy may need to be changed as well .