19.Hence, clinical psychologist Lisa
Firestone, Ph.D suggests being candid and straightforward when communicating
your message.Someone lying
about traffic holding them up, rather than saying they had slept in, for instance, or
a "no, you look great in those pants" -- both achieve the 'make life easier' effect. Compared to bald-faced lies, they are not sinful, as they don't corrode trust and
intimacy--the glue of society. 20. Yet, whereas we are convinced we lie for the sake of others, misleading a
person distorts the truth about her/himself and possibly undermines relationships. According to Sam Harris, an expert in neuroscience, "By lying, we deny our friends
access to reality--and their resulting ignorance often harms them in ways we did
not anticipate....
Maybe Mary's dressmaker is incompetent, or maybe Mary actually could lose
some weight, which would contribute to her health and happiness." Moreover,
Harris says, little white lies often lead to major fabrications: "Very soon, you may
find yourself behaving as most people do quite effortlessly: shading the truth, or
even lying outright, without thinking about it."Feldman, for example, believes that omitting or shading the truth is the best
approach for maintaining social contacts by evading insults or discord.The
motive they are referring to falls into the realm of social norm or even necessity -
the mindless pleasantries or polite ambiguities we offer each other in the name of
tact.However, some researchers debate that not all lies are detrimental.These
small inconsistencies are probably the top stimuli for 'white lies'.Our friends may act on the basis of our falsehoods, or may fail to
settle problems that could have been resolved only with good information.The truth may not always be pleasant to the ear, but in the long
term, integrity yields more genuine relationships, a lot more trust and sense of
your worth from the people whose judgment you treasure the most.