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3 .

Lam a grandma . I've been trying hard to get used to the idea ever since my daughter gave birth last year , but fourteen months on , I'm still not quite sure how I feel . It doesn't help that my daughter has started referring to me as Granny Jean . Obviously , I'm happy for my daughter and think her son , Ollie , is gorgeous , but Granny ? The name just doesn't seem right . turned 50. I still have a career , big nights out and holidays in unusual countries . d 4 I suspect that one of the reasons I'm not yet comfortable with my new status is that very little about my life matches the vague memories I have of my own grandparents . My dad's parents both died before I was born and the only thing I can really remember about my other grandfather was that he often smoked a pipe . I used to love the smell of the fresh tobacco . I'd sometimes even open the tin when he wasn't there to smell it . After he died , Gran moved to a town by the seaside and we'd go and visit for a week each summer . I have fond memories of her because she'd completely spoil us , like we imagine grandmas are supposed to do . ³ . She also looked like my idea of a typical granny : she was old , white - haired and wrinkly . Contrary to the common stereotype , the average age for becoming a grandparent is still only 51 in the UK and 48 in the States . However , compared with our grandparents , we're fitter and will live longer , which means we can potentially play a more active role in helping with childcare . With more women working and with the costs of childcare rising , it's estimated that almost 20 % of grandparents now look after grandchildren for more than ten hours a week . All of this poses a problem for women like me 5 who fought for the freedom to get out of the home and hav a career : we want our daughters to have the same freedom to work , but are reluctant to give up our own jobs in order to help them . We might provide financial support instead , but again that might mean making sacrifices , such as spending less on the leisure and travel we enjoy so much . On top of this , my notion that the role of grandparents is to be indulgent also seems to be problematic . It's true that many grandparents today are often reluctant to discipline their grandchildren because it breaks the unspoken rule that grandparents should never interfere with their children's parenting . Yet at the same time , it's fairly obvious that a lack of discipline can produce spoilt children who rule the house . 6 aab Still , while there are complications , research also suggests there'll be benefits for me in the longer relationship I'll have with my grandson . A study in Contemporary Grandparenting found that such relationships are stronger and more two way than we perhaps realise . However , research suggests that grandchildren increasingly contribute to the relationship by helping their grandparents stay up - to - date with changes in the world and keeping them young ' . Now that's something I'd certainly feel good about .